Fade In: I Throw Up Before the Show–Int: Casino outside Vegas

They were right. I was on the edge...

So I’m doing my annual Nevada trip this week. I love to come out here for March Madness to bet on some games during the day and do standup at night. I don’t get paid holidays, so this is as close to one as I get.

So I get in Vegas early Thursday morning and since it’s PST, I need to get down to the Hard Rock Casino sportsbook by 8am to get a seat.  It’s a great day of fun, especially since I’m winning most of my bets. The next day, I get up early and stop across the street at a Subway to grab some breakfast. One of their very lame breakfast sandwiches that Jarod never had to eat when he was losing all the weight. (Subway wasn’t open for breakfast during those days.)

So I’m enjoying the games, but noticed I’m starting to get a little nauseous, which I blame on some douche smoking a cigar in front of me. I have to leave about 2pm, so I can drive down to Laughlin where my shows are at Friday through Sunday. I have an early show (at 7pm). I start to feel worse. The feature act is my good friend, Todd Link, so I tell him I’m going to need him to do an extra 5 minutes, as I need to do a shorter show.

I get down to the showroom, while Todd is onstage. I quickly realize I need to find a bathroom. I rush to the nearest toilet starting  out sitting (add a letter to that word and it would be more apt), and wind up flushing, then on my knees throwing up. Awesome!. I feel horrible. I realize at this point this isn’t cigar smoke, I have food poisoning.

I cautiously walk back into showroom of casino. It’s a really good crowd. Thank you. I am feeling so sick I feel like I could throw-up some more at any point, so it’s good I know I don’t have to bring a bunch of extra physical movement to sell my show. I do my show going through my material, kicking out anything that takes a lot of effort to sell. It’s a very cerebral performance:) I rock back and forth, which is the closest thing I can do versus what I would really prefer to be doing–crawling into the fetal position.

I have discussed in a previous post about how there is no calling sick into comedy. Especially at this last minute. My name is on the marquee and I need to show up. People really seemed to enjoy the show, even though I know it was about 80 percent of what I usually bring. My experience got me through it.

So I went up to my room right after the show, turned on the heat in my room, and spent a very uncomfortable night of fetal position sleeping. I don’t know what it’s like for a junkie to detox, but if it felt like this, I’m going around the corner to score me out of my dope sickness.

The following day I didn’t feel much better, but at least I didn’t feel like throwing up anymore. Good thing for that because Saturday night just happened to be St. Patrick’s Day, so much of the audience was really drunk and boisterous. I ended up having a good show, as my adrenaline kicked in some, but after I stepped off-stage I felt totally wiped (maybe I should use a better term) and I went right up to bed. I have never been to Nevada and slept so much.

Can’t say it’s been the most fun trip to Vegas/Lauglin. I didn’t eat anything from 7:30 am on Friday until Sunday morning around 9am.  I didn’t play any blackjack until Sunday, though you could say I hit the craps quite a bit. Fortunately the shows went well and I was on fire betting on basketball games, so on that end the trip was successful. There was a joke I did about the Subway diet almost as long as Jarod was pitching the ads, so I guess I had to pay for it eventually.

Conclusion: Look for my video. How to go to Vegas/Laughlin and lose 5 pounds, catch up on your sleep, and walk away with 600 dollars profit!

After my show on Saturday. No photos are allowed from the sickly pallor I was sporting.
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