Do you like moral conundrums? So this week I get a call from a club that I’ve been working on getting into for a long time. It’s an A room which mainly books big acts. For someone like me, super fucking funny, but super fucking unknown in the market, I have to luck into a week like this. As I always stress, there only about 45 full-time weeks a year that comedy clubs have to offer. (some acts appear twice a year, while thanksgiving and xmas are 2 or 3 day weeks.) This means there are only 45 comedians in all the world that will get to headline that club. The odds are not good.
So as I said I get this call from the important booking agent for this club who asks me if I can do a last-minute fill-in at this club? Shit yes, but…I can’t. You see I have a show on Friday night which is a benefit for some kids charity. It ain’t paying me much and it isn’t at the Ritz Carlton in NYC, but they advertised the event around me and I just can’t do that to them. The agent completely understood and it’s no sweat off of his sack, as he has plenty of other people who are ready to nut when they get his call. I’m still a little stunned, knowing I turned down an opportunity for a gig that I’ve been working hard to make happen, plus the Grand I’m losing for not doing it.
Now before you go the Karma route, I’m not much of a believer on that front. I’ve just seen too many horrible people live pretty spectacular lives to want to buy that definition. No, my decision just came down to my moral code. My moral code isn’t based on some book written 2000 years ago, it’s just my gut telling me what is best for me. So as ill as I feel right now, I would not even be able to sleep if I would have called the charity and told them that last minute I wouldn’t be there. Just one of those times when life gives you an awesome opportunity which you can’t taste. How things are going, I will go to this event and Eva Mendes and Kristin Chenoweth will be there. They will be so enchanted with my act that they beg me to have a 3-way with them. I will have to explain I’m married and I can’t partake. Even though it hasn’t happened yet, I’m so irate just thinking about having to turn this down I think I need to grab some Tums.