Scatological Week: Wiz Biz

After a show last week.

One of those nights early in my career at the open mic that would never end at the Ramada Inn, I went on really late.  The night started well with a really good audience, as they laughed at a lot of open mikers who were not worthy of their guffaws. I was salivating to get on-stage, as I had been preparing all week to knock it out of the park.  Unfortunately for me, I was put on last this night, (pretty typical as loyal readers of this blog will know) so it was around 10:30 on a Monday night when I hit the stage. At this point, the only people that were left were 4 comics, my girlfriend, a couple in the front, and some guy by himself at a table in the back.  The last 2 comics had eaten it because there were less than 10 people at this point and they were completely tired of laughing.

Great atmosphere, but I had been there since 7:30, so I was damned if I wasn’t going to do my 5 minutes. I got up and it was pretty much crickets-ville. Then after a new joke that I didn’t think was great, the few people left starting laughing pretty hard.  I began the next joke re-energized, but then I realized they had still not stopped laughing.  Then I heard a sound that seemed inappropriate for the situation. Now because of the stage lights, you can’t usually see past the front row, so I walked off-stage to witness the one guy who was left, peeing right on the floor.  He had been there the whole show and had gotten so wasted that his sense of reality was blown.

The bartender yelled one of you guys needs to stop him!  Now as any man will tell you, you don’t try to stop some guy in mid-stream–especially when they’re in an alcoholic stupor.  So he finished and then laid down right by where he had urinated.  I just stood there dumbfounded realizing that you aren’t going to top that so I said I think we’ve all had enough comedy tonight, now let’s give it up for our headliner, drunk guy who pees wherever he wants.

The few people left laughed hard.  Instead of being pissed, I realized that I would never have remembered that show a month later, but with the addition of my new buddy, the golden goer, I had something that would stay with me for quite awhile.  Nineteen years later it is still fresh in my mind and made for the story of the day.

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One thought on “Scatological Week: Wiz Biz

  1. In my defense, I had tried to get into the bathroom but as the room spun, the door kept flying past me… You were hilarious though!

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